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Mary Rosenblum
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Hello all!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Welcome to our Tuesday Forum. I
hope you all had a great three day weekend.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I wanted to talk about
dialogue and character voice today.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I see far too many novice
manuscripts with bland, uninteresting voices, whether it's a fictional
character speaking or the author writing a personal narrative.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now some people have boring,
monotone voices, but that's no reason to give all your characters that
voice in your fiction!
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Mary Rosenblum
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And it's very easy to 'squash'
your natural voice in narrative and end up with something that doesn't
engage readers, no matter how interesting the anecdotes you're describing
are.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Conversational English has
little to do with grammatically correct English or expository writing.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Think of it as another
language entirely. You need to write differently when you're writing
someone's speech, yours or a character's.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And of course, the rules of
grammar may go out the window if your character doesn't use good grammar in
his/her everyday speech.
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Mary Rosenblum
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One of the most common
weaknesses I see is in first person -- either a fictional first person
speaker or the author -- where the narrative is written like third person,
using 'I said' constantly and describing scenery as if writing a scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Take some time to pay
attention to exactly how people talk.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is very important since
the speaker is expressing his/her character with every word he/she speaks.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you are speaking and your
character is not you, then you are expressing a personality that does not
suit the POV character you have introduced to your readers.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This tends to be a big problem
when adult novice writers try to create a child POV. Often that child not
only uses college level English, but expresses a world
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Mary Rosenblum
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view that is at odds with the
world view of most, say, eight year olds.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now of course you can have an
8 year old who is very advanced for her age and does speak in college level
English.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Think of Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But there, the author
establishes that level of language right off the bat, having Scout complain
about how her teacher at school is all upset by her vocabulary, and
mentioning that her father
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Mary Rosenblum
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taught her to read with the
Sunday paper.
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janecj333
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Mary, This is no good without
examples. :) Can you show us what you mean?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sure, Jane. :-) Don't I always
use examples?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here's an example of what I
mean by writing narrative as if you are writing a third person scene.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I walked into the living room an
looked around, hoping to find Rebecca there. She wasn't there, but I
noticed Bowers slouching on the red brocade sofa. "So where is
Rebecca?" I asked him. "I don't know," he replied. "I
thought she was with you." Oh great, I thought. She ran away, just
like she said.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You might as well do this in
third person. There's no real sense of a character voice here, rather it's
a descriptive scene with dialogue. And what do we know of the MC's
personality here? Yes, this is a short snippet, but we really don't get a
sense
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Mary Rosenblum
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of the speaker's personality
here.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Let me give this more
'character' and make it less expository and more a charcter narrative.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Worrying, I stuck my head into
the living room. No Rebecca, just Mr. Lounge Lizard, Bowers. "So
where's Rebecca?" I was through being polite now. He gave me that
bedroom look of his. "I don't know," he drawled. "I thought
she was with you." Jerk. I really wanted to hit him. She did it. She
ran. My guts hurt.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here we have a lot more
'character'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We have a few less details --
the red brocade sofa for example. But clearly this character has seen the
living room before and he's far too worried about Rebecca
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Mary Rosenblum
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to notice the color and
pattern of a sofa he has seen plenty of times.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We get a totally different
take on Bowers, who is now Mr. Lounge Lizard and we get a stronger sense of
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Mary Rosenblum
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his relationship to our
narrator.
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rae
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would this be good? De dump ain't
open dat time of de day.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If that's how your character
talks, then yes.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I do want to warn you about
phonetically spelled out slang or accents. They give readers headaches VERY
quickly.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Just go read a few pages of
Brian Jacques' Redwall moles for a great example of what not to do.
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Mary Rosenblum
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He phonetically spells out a
heavy cockney accent. My reading pace slows to about one-tenth speed
whenever I have to struggle through that dialogue
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Mary Rosenblum
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and a lot of readers I've
asked have admitted to skipping over it.
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Mary Rosenblum
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What you CAN do is to heavily
spell out that De dump ain't open accent for a paragraph or two, then
lighten up.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Keep the same syntax and word
order, use the occational malapropism, but don't keep up the same level of
spelling.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Your readers will continue to
hear that heavy accent with those gentle reminders and they'll be able to concentrate
on the action/dialogue rather than on the pronunciation.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Pay attention to your
vocabulary.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Remember that reader expectations
will work both for you and against you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you present the readers
with an eight year old kid and no other information, your readers
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Mary Rosenblum
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expect this eight year old kid
to talk like most of the eight year olds they know.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And if that kid instead talks
like a graduate student working toward a PhD in English Lit, the character
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Mary Rosenblum
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will seem phony to the
readers.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And that is expecially true if
all the OTHER characters talk like PhD candidates.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That means the author is
simply using his/her own voice for everybody on stage. Not good.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now if you let us find out very
quickly that this kid is highly precocious and makes adults uneasy because
he talks like a PhD candidate
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Mary Rosenblum
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then you're fine. But you need
to build that backstory before or as he starts talking.
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gail
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My novel is set in Neolithic times.
I'm worried about how to present the language as archaic, but not overly
vexing for the reader. I'm not using contractions in their speech, for one.
Plus, they speak a little more formally than we would today....but I
couldn't think of any other way to do it. Do you have any suggestions for
me?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That sounds fine to me, gail.
I often have characters who are not speaking English. By leaving the
contractions out and making the language sound intentionally different, you'll
create a sense of 'other than English' that will work fine for you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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After all, who can accuse you
of getting it wrong? :-) Just be consistent.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's easy to use that 'formal'
langauge when you're thinking of it, and as you get into the story, you
begin to drift back to your normal mode of writing dialogue.
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Mary Rosenblum
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There, you may actually want
to include hand sign as well as verbal langauge. We don't really know if hand
sign predated verbal speech
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Mary Rosenblum
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or coexisted with it, but it's
likely.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It is very worth it to evolve
your main characters' voices before you start writing. If you do not
consciously 'hear' their voices and translate that to the page, all your
characters
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Mary Rosenblum
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will simply sound like you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And...what is worse...they
will reveal your world view, not your character's world view.
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gail
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*smiles* Yes, as a matter of fact,
hand signals do play a part in this novel. It's good to hear you mention
this.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Good. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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Think about how a character
reveals world view through speech.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I did that in my previous example.
In the first version, we have no idea of how our narrator feels about
Bowers.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But in the second, he gives
away his feelings through the way he thinks about Bowers.
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Mary Rosenblum
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He's not complimentary, goes
so far as to think of him as a jerk. We know very clearly that this is not
his dear friend.
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rae
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What do you mean by "Hand
Signals"?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That Gail's Neolithic people
may have used hand gestures to convey meaning the way we now use mouth sounds
to convey meaning.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's a challenge, by the
way, if you have a deaf character who signs.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's a good idea to have a
good grasp of the basic sign vocabulary so that your translations of those signs
will seem realistic.
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sandyhoja
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How can we incorporate
non-verbal cues into dialogue?
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can do it a couple of
ways, sandy.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can simply use 'he signed'
the way we'd use 'he said'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I tend to use italic
(underline in your manuscript -- becomes italic on the published page).
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Mary Rosenblum
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_Don't know_ he signed.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can use quotation marks or
not. You and the editor can work that out.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I tend use quote marks for
sign language along with italic "_Give that to me_" she signed.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And I'll paraphrase rather
than directly translate.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The above sign dialogue is a loose
translation rather than a direct interpretation of each sign that was used
to create that sentence.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can do it either way.
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sandyhoja
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How about facial stuff, and body
posture, is it described?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That is always part of
dialogue. But it's included as action tags or beats of action within the
dialogue.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Remember that dialogue is not
just spoken words.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It is a tripod with three legs:
Spoken words/body language/ thoughts.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can use body language to
imply thought if you're dealing with non-pov characters of course
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forest elf
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Like the very famous "He
arched his brow" expression?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Any facial expression adds
emotional context to the conversation.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So does body language.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You're all going to be seeing
friends and family a bit more often during the holiday season.
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Mary Rosenblum
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While you're at the company
Christmas party, the family Thanksgiving afternnon, pay attention.
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Mary Rosenblum
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These are people you know, so you
can probably guess their moods pretty accurately. Notice how they express
that mood through their body posture and facial expression.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I've been doing this for years
-- noticing body langauge and facial expression. I do it all the time,
constantly refreshing my pool of visual examples.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's a great way to pass the
time waiting for a plane. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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Who is anxious? Who is bored?
Who is angry? Who is sad?
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Mary Rosenblum
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You have to learn to SEE these
things before you can put them on the page. And if they're absent, their
absense is quite noticeable to the readers
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Mary Rosenblum
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even if they're not able to
tell you exactly why the scene doesn't grab them.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So the first thing to work on
is character voice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Ideally, you should be able to
tell who is talking without any kind of 'she said' tag line.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Each person should sound
utterly unique.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now you don't want to remove
all tags! A one or two word comment is not gonig to be obviously different.
:-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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But do work very hard at
giving at least your main characters very different voices. It is probably
the most important component of characterization
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Mary Rosenblum
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and the one that most novice
writers neglect.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Remember that your readers are
all experts on normal human behavior.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your character acts like one
type of person and talks like another type of person and you have not
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Mary Rosenblum
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created a valid reason for
this discrepancy, it makes the character seem unreal, therefore shallow and
uninteresting.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'm currently working on a
novel synopsis and chapters for a writers workshop at a conference. The
person who submitted has been turned down by
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Mary Rosenblum
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a number of agents/publishers.
He has a fascinating fantasy universe, but so far I have met three main
characters from two very different cultures and you know what?
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Mary Rosenblum
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All three sound identical.
Take out the tag lines and you can't tell which one is speaking.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That is a problem.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It means that his plot has to
carry the entire weight of the novel series and it's just not up to the
task. He needs those realistic characters desperately.
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Mary Rosenblum
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An excellent exercise in
character voice is to write a first person scene with a character. Then
create a very different personality and write the same scene with this POV.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Those two narrative scenes
should be VERY different since your characters are VERY different.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Think about a public park with
families out spending a sunny spring Sunday.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Take your character on a walk
through the park.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Character One is an old man in
chronic pain from arthritis, depressed, bitter, reclusive.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now take Character Two through
the park; a young woman in love, pregnant with her first child.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Every thing they see will look
different and they will think of it differently.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This kind of exercise will
give you a sense of how you convey characterization through the words your
characters use
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Mary Rosenblum
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either to each other (in
dialogue) or in first person as narrative.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And even in third person, as your
POV character looks at things, the words you use to describe them to the
readers
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Mary Rosenblum
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should reflect that
character's values and world view.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Talk to your characters before
you start writing.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Get to the point where you can
tell your voice easily from their voices.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That will tend to carry over
onto the page as you write the first draft.
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Mary Rosenblum
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In revision, take the time to
think seriously about the dialogue...is this really how she'd say this?
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Mary Rosenblum
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When I first started out and I
was struggling with dialogue, I used to come up with some friend or
relative whose voice would suit my MC and then
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'd imagine how this person would
actually say this line.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It helped me get a 'real'
voice. Now I'm much better at creating real voices, of course. :-) But it's
hard at first.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's especially helpful to cast
that real person into the dialogue role if you're doing a very different
voice, say a kid.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Imagine how your young child
or neighbor's child or neice or nephew might say this same thing.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's a nice learning tool. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can fine tune it to suit
your character as you revise.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well,I hope this helps.
Dialogue tends to be one of the most common weak spots in novice fiction,
and it carries over to weak first person narrative, too.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'll post the transcript of
this Forum in the usual place. Writing Craft: Forum Transcripts.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I hope you join us this Sunday
for our casual get together.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We usually get together about
5 PM pacific time, 6 MT, 7 central, and 9 eastern.
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Mary Rosenblum
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See you all Sunday!
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