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Mary Rosenblum
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Hello all. Welcome to our
Tuesday Lunchbox Forum.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I hope you all had a good
weekend! I didn't get back from my Seattle conference in time to make our
Sunday chat, alas. But I'll be there this Sunday.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I had a great time up there.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But it's good to be back and
my first daffodils are blooming so I guess I'll declare it spring here. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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I wanted to talk about
dialogue again, because it's such a powerful tool when used to its fullest
capacity and too few novice writers
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Mary Rosenblum
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are really able to take
advantage of it as completely as they could.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Dialogue allows the author to
give the readers a lot of concentrated information without 'telling' the
readers anything.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But of course, it has to sound
real.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It is your most powerful
characterization tool as well.
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Mary Rosenblum
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How do you determine what a
stranger is like as a person?
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Mary Rosenblum
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First you look at that person.
You judge his or her personal hygiene, the type of clothes that person is
wearing, the quality and cost of that clothing, skin color, ethnic features
and the like.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But it is what that person
says that really reveals who he or she is.
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Mary Rosenblum
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With every word that person
speaks, you begin to figure out where he/she grew up -- what part of the
country, what socio-economic background -- and you begin to piece together
that person's world view, how
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Mary Rosenblum
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he or she feels about things
in general, as well as his/her personality. Is he serious and rather dour?
Is she bubbly and whimsical?
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Mary Rosenblum
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And these factors can actually
reverse that first visual impression...the person who dresses and looks
like a bum might turn out to be a shipping magnate who just likes to run
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Mary Rosenblum
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around in his grubby jeans and
is currently growing a beard. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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Most novice writers underuse
dialogue for characterization. Generally, if you don't consciously create a
voice for your character and think about how that particular person would
respond to everything anyone says,
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Mary Rosenblum
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your character will speak like
you and will respond to other comments the way you need to have him or her
respond because of the plot.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So while your character may
be, say, a kid raised in a dirt poor southern town, son of a widower who
raises a few pigs and works on road crews when he's sober
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Mary Rosenblum
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your kid may talk as if he's
completed four years of college. Uh oh.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And just how does he get that
knowlege of word events anyway?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Now you can make that sort of
thing plausible....he spent his childhood at Miz Sarah's house and she was
a retired librarian who made him read a book every week and taught him
about the world
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Mary Rosenblum
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But if you don't give him that
backstory, then his dialogue contradicts the past you have given him and
readers think 'not real'. Oops.
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the gothic queen
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I find dialogue easy to do.
Helps me move the story forward.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And you do it very well, too.
:-) Although as I recall, when you first started working with me you were
doing too much dialogue and not enough visual action. :-) But not any more.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And those visuals are a
critical part of dialogue and another common issue that I see.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The author starts dialogue and
we get a long stretch where characters simply talk to each other, nothing
else happens.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It doesn't bother you, the
author, because you see that scene just fine in your head, so you don't
need to add any visuals.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But to a reader who is not
telepathic and can't read your mind, it reads like a screen play. Remember
reading those Shakespearean plays in high school?
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Mary Rosenblum
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They're hardly as compelling
as seeing the play on the stage....no visuals, just stage cues.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's what you do when you
give the readers nothing except dialogue.
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Mary Rosenblum
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By adding beats of visual
action you can enrich your dialogue scene in two ways.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You constantly remind the
readers what they are seeing, so that you create the effect of seeing and
hearing simultaneously...just as we do in real life!
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Mary Rosenblum
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AND...you create 'tone of
voice'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You'll see a lot of 'he said
angrily' and 'she said mildly' in mediocre fiction. And occasionally 'he
said harshly' is fine.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But not all the time.
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Mary Rosenblum
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By showing the body language
of your speaker through the use of visual action you can imply that
person's emotional state and we'll automatically 'hear' the right tone of
voice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I'm through." He
slammed his fist down on the table.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Hear his tone?
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I'm through." Her
eyes filled with tears.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Different tone here, eh?
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rae
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Exactly what is Tone of voice?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's tone of voice, above.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And it's critical.
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Mary Rosenblum
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When we listen to someone
speak, we are constantly interpreting the meaning of what they say based on
their body langauge and tone of voice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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As you can see in the above
example, a sense of the person's emotional state as revealed by their body
langauge....either that slam of the fist or the brimming eyes...lets us
'hear' a different tone.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And we know that the character
is angry in one case and upset in the other case.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Those glimplses of action are
what I call 'action tags'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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They also identify the speaker
as much as 'he said' or 'she said' but while 'he said angrily' or 'she said
tearfully' are you, the author, telling us how the character is speaking
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Mary Rosenblum
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those glimpses of action 'He
slammed his fist down on the table' or 'She blinked back tears' let us
infer that person's emotional state for ourselves.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Just as we don in real life.
And the more real your scene seems, the more your readers suspend their
disbelief and live your story.
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charge2charge
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What are the other tags: he
said, she replied, etc called?
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Mary Rosenblum
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I call them 'said tags'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Those words 'responded, said,
replied, and so on' are called 'saidisms' most of the time.
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copper
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Do you have suggestions or
"tricks" to help maintain individual voices for various
characters?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yes. When I was a novice
writer and had more trouble with dialogue and voices, I found it helpful to
think of someone I personally knew who talked like I wanted my character to
talk.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Then I simply asked myself
'how would So and so say this?' and I used that person's voice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I've had a LOT more practice
making up character voices since then and I find it easier to come up with
a consistent character voice.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But generally I don't begin a
story or novel until I have the voices of my principal characters clear in
my head to the point that I can carry on a conversation with two
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Mary Rosenblum
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characters in my head and all
three voices, mine and theirs, are different. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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. o O ( This is why I have
dogs, so that when I forget and do this out loud, people think I"m
talking to them... )
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Mary Rosenblum
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But even more important than
the actual voice is what your character reveals when he/she talks.
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gail
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What sort of action tags would
be effective during a scene in which the POV character overhears (but does
not see) others talking?
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is the same case as a
phone conversation where we can only see one speaker.
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Mary Rosenblum
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There you can use the visible
speaker to create the scene through small actions. "Yes, Mom, I
know." Lilly straightened the magazines, idly skimming the new Vogue.
Nice hair styles.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here we see Lilly straighten
the magazines and I added a bit of internal narrative -- Nice hair styles
-- to show that she isn't really paying attention to Mom.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can let your POV character
interpret tone for you if we can't see the speaker.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Jeremy winced at his father's
tone. "I'll do what I can. That's all I can promise."
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Mary Rosenblum
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Clearly Dad is upset even
though we can't see HIS body language.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Phone conversations are a
challenge, but think about your own conversations. Most people do things
while they talk (like drive, sigh).
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can use that POV
character's body language to indicate the emotional tone of the
conversation.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And your POV, as I said, can
interpret.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I think we need to
go."
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Mary Rosenblum
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Silence from the kitchen, then
an angry clatter of pots and pans. Jane sighed and went on setting the
table.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Whoever is in the kitchen is
clearly not happy about going.
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gail
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More precisely, my POV character
is (accidentally) eavesdropping, but has no line of sight. Is this where I
should allow him to inject his own perspectives as "action tags"?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yes. Your eavesdropper clearly
has some interset in the coversation or you wouldn't include it. And
remember that internal narrative...the POV's mental reaction to the
conversation...is a large part of the conversation.
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Mary Rosenblum
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One third, actually.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Dialogue is a tripod composed
of speech, body language, and internal narrative.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The body language adds the
emotional shading to the words themselves and the internal narrative
enriches the POV character's reaction.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I'm quitting."
Roger slammed the door.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"If that's what you
want." Sheila forced a smile. Jerk, she thought. See if I support you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We have a LOT of information
here. Roger is angry, Sheila is trying not to confront him but she's angry
at his annoiuncement.
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gail
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a-ha! That makes good sense!
Thank you. :)
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Mary Rosenblum
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Here's an example Gail:
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sharon crept closer to the
door. She could just make out Catherine's voice on the other side.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"We have to send him
away. My cousin in Australia will take him in."
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Mary Rosenblum
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No! Sharon reeled against the
wall, her skin clammy. They couldn't!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Sharon's body language tells
us that this is a very important statement with a lot of impact on her.
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johnw
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How do you break up dialogue
between two characters so as nto to lose track of who is saying what?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Use action tags, John. YOu
don't need a tag line after every single dialogue line, but you need them
often enough so that readers don't have to 'read back' to see who is saying
what.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you have two people
speaking you can use fewer tags than if you have three or more people
speaking.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Hey, anybody home?"
Tom stuck his head through the doorway.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Long time no see."
Cara looked up from the pattern she was laying out. "What happened?
New Orleans didn't work out?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Nah." He tossed his
hat onto the rack, winked at her. "It sure didn't. Want to come with
me to Buenos Aires?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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"What?" She stood,
pattern papers scattering.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"I mean it. Right
now."
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Mary Rosenblum
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"What have you gotten
into this time?" She met his sardonic gaze. "And is it
legal?"
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Mary Rosenblum
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So here, I'm using action to
create the emotional tone of the scene, but at the same time it identifies
the speakers. When he says 'I mean it' we need no tag.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We know it's him speaking.
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str8shooter
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Is there a source that correctly
spells slang
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can find some slang
dictionaries. I'd look online first. Slang changes from year to year. I
have a 'barrio slang' dictionary for example that offers
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Mary Rosenblum
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Spanish and English
translations of current barrio slang. BUT....it's ten years old. Totally
out of date compared to the words being used in LA right now.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Mostly what you will find are
dictionaries of slang particuliar to an ethnic or cultural group.
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johnw
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Suppose a character uses
"gonna" instead of "going to" in his speech. Should
gonna be used repeatedly? Or just once to set the tone?
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Mary Rosenblum
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I tend to use 'gonna' and
'aint' pretty consistently when my character has a strong dialect. They're
pretty easy for a reader to see and hear, unlike a lot of phonetic
misspellings which can kick the readers out of the story.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I tend to use phonetic
misspellings heavily when the readers first meet a character in order to
'set' the voice in the readers' heads, then reduce
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Mary Rosenblum
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the phonetic misspellings and
preserve the sentence structure.
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caroline49
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am I right to assume that 3rd
person POV is not used?
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Mary Rosenblum
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For what, Caroline?
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caroline49
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In a story where pov is 1st
person.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yes, Caroline, when you're
writing in first person, then dialogue is within the first person POV...and
here's a caveat for you.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your story will include a
lot of dialogue, you are probably better off to write it in third person.
It is hard to do good dialogue in first person.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Better if your first preson
POV can summarize a conversation. Trying to include a lot of 'I said' and
'he said' really gets clunky quickly.
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caroline49
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would that be with multiple
speakers?
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Mary Rosenblum
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You mean in a first person
piece, Caroline?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Remember that in first person,
your narrator is telling us the story.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So that narrator is telling us
about the conversation, too. It can be hard to make the conversation seem
as if we are overhearing it.
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copper
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I'm writing my novel in first
person. I'm using tag lines, internal observations and reactions to the
dialogue to make is work. Should I be doing something else?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That sounds about riight
copper.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You handle ongoing dialogue
about the same as in third person, but obviously your tags are going to be
in the voice of the narrator.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I headed down to the park to
see if Conrad had gotten my message. Yep, he was there, sitting on a bench
and throwing pebbles at the pigeons.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"That's going to get you
kicked out by the little old ladies," I told him as I sat down beside
him.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Let em try." He
threw another pebble and a big fat white pigeon fluttered off with an
outraged squawk. He looked lousy, as if he'd been binging all night, eyes
red, cheeks as flabby as empty sacks.
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Mary Rosenblum
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"Hey." I touched his
arm. "You got to let it go."
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Mary Rosenblum
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He shrugged me off, jaw
tensing under the three days of stubble.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We still get action and
emotional implication but filtered through the narrative of the first
person POV.
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rae
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How long does take to learn how
to use the speech, body language, internal narrative triangle?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That depends entirely on the
person, rae. Some of my students get it the first time I give 'em an
example, others fumble around for awhile before it clicks. Everyone has his
or her own learning curve.
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sandyhoja
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What about someone thinking
through a probem trying to find a solution? How can it be made to seem more
real>
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Mary Rosenblum
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Tell you what, I'll do another
forum on thought and internal narrative and how to handle it. That's an
hour all by itself.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's a matter of NOT making it
sound like dialogue, actually. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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But if your story is going to
include more thinking than speaking, consider using first person.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Your first person narrator can
muse at will.
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sandyhoja
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Thanks, I'll be there.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Can you do Friday evenings or
just Tuesdays?
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Mary Rosenblum
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How about Tuesday, March 18?
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Mary Rosenblum
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How cool that you're in
Turkey, Sandy!
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Mary Rosenblum
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So we'll talk about all that
on the 18th.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So work on implying tone of
voice and emotional content with those action tags, those glimpses of body
language.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That will help you get rid of
'said' without using something even clunkier like 'responded'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You'll be really amazed at how
much more real your dialogue seems once you add that visual action and body
language.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'll post the transcript in
the usual place: Writing Craft: Forum Transcript.
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Mary Rosenblum
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See you all Sunday for our
casual chat.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I should be there this
week....no three hundred fifty mile drive first!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Have a good week, all!
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