|
mary rosenblum
|
Hello all!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I hope you all had a good
week!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I wasn't sure I was going to
make it. We're having a lot of east wind and I had a power outage this
morning...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
fortunately they got the
lights back on and the wind is finally dying down.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So we'll hope that I manage to
make it through the next 90 minutes!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about the
balance of internal narrative and action here. I've published seven novels
(number eight will be out in November) , more than 60 short stories, and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you
|
|
xana
|
All the hurricanes moved to the
Pacific when I moved to FL
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Ah, our east winds come from
Idaho and eastern Oregon, Xana...no storm involved, just wind.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But LOTS of wind.
|
|
xana
|
Mexico is getting the storms
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Surely you got some rain from
Ernesto.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
At least one of my students
got pretty well pounded.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I wanted to talk about
internal monologue versus action because long internal monologues are
something I see a lot in novice manuscripts.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It's a quick and easy way to
feed the reader backstory.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And it is indeed quick and
easy.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But it has a price.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Everything has a price.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The price here is that the
forward momentum of the story grinds to a halt.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It's still 'telling'. Yes the
POV character is doing the telling, but telling it is.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And sometimes quite
necessary....I am NOT saying don't do it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What I am saying is that you
need to minimize it, and work hard at revealing the information through
dialogue and action if you possibly can.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Sometimes you have no other
way to get that information to the reader, and that internal narrative is
fine.
|
|
geezer
|
If it is minimized, how does one
decrease distance?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Narrative distance you mean,
geeze?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
YOur narrative distance...the
distance between the main character and where you have to be standing in
the scene to see and hear everything that is going on...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
will still be close to zero as
long as you're filtering everything through your POV.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If every action and bit of
description is described through the POV's senses, your narrative distance
is zero.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We are located inside the POV
character's head.
|
|
janecj333
|
I was just trying to distinguish
between internal narrative and omniscient narrator, esp when I want to
write a scene purposely with no pov.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well, if you have no POV for a
scene you have a lot of narrative distance.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If you're not telling us what
is going on in character heads, but instead are simply describing action,
then you are using a cinematic POV.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If you are dipping into
character thoughts indiscriminately, then you're using omniscient POV.
|
|
andi
|
i have a character who came from
the future and sees differences in somethings from where she came from.
when she thinks of the future how do you write it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well, here you're going to
need that internal narrative and a lot of it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is a story where, were it
mine, I would try it as a first person piece...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and let the character comment
all the time on how things compare to her future world.
|
|
andi
|
like you write past tense or
future or what
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well, I suggest that past
tense works best in fiction unless you're doing literary form...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and if she's thinking about
how this present compares to the future world she came from...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
you're not going to have any
real tense change...other than she might refer to how things will be rather
than are.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Internal narrative is a very
powerful tool of characterization that offers insights into what a
character is thinking.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
YOu do not want to avoid it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
BUT...where it gets overused
is when, say, a writer begins a story with the POV character...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
driving somewhere and thinking
about her past two years of life in excruciating details.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
How often do you DO that?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Occasionally yeah. You might
be sitting at your aunt's funeral and thinking about the family vacations
you shared with her family...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but you have a reason to be
reviewing those vacations in detail.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
However it s not a good way to
begin a short story. :-) It's not really a good way to begin a novel
either.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about the
balance of internal narrative and action here. I've published seven novels
(number eight will be out in November) , more than 60 short stories, and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you
|
|
info
|
Is it easier to have one mc to
have the narrative going through or two? If two, how do you deal with the
reader having to go between two mc's without getting frustrated and mad?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
In short fiction, you will
have a much stronger story, most of the time, if you stick with a single
POV.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Every time your reader changes
POV, that reader is distanced from the story until he/she reconnects with
this new POV.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And if you do it too often, as
you generally will in a short story, the reader can be eternally distanced
from both characters.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
In a novel, it is a very good
idea if you can, to switch POVs at the chapter breaks.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But often, you can show the
same information that your character is doggedly reviewing as action and
dialogue.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Lets say that you currently
have your character driving to Mom's house for Thanksgiving...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and you want the reader to
know that she has been at college for two years now...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
she is the only kid in the
family to go to college...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and her father doesn't really
approve of this.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She can be thinking about all
this as she drives...which is kind of a slow start.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Or you can start with her
knock on the door.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
By the time mom gets done
hugging her and complaining that she's skinny as a rail and they don't feed
her right and her father...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
makes a couple of acerbic
comments about 'college kids' and her brother shocks her because he's grown
a foot in the last two years...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
we'll know everything she was
going to 'think' to us.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So here, the internal
narrative is not necessary. We can show the same info just as effectively.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But that is not always the
case.
|
|
xana
|
Isn't there a risk of the
dialogue sounding phony and stilted?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
In what case, Xana?
|
|
xana
|
When a POV is describing a scene
from the past to someone
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well, it will sound phony if
that character has no real reason to be saying this to someone.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But at the aunt's funeral, for
example, that nephew might not say a word.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
He might be remembering the
picnics, the time his cousin Errol put a frog in the potato salad and Aunt
Gert threw him into the river.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and it's all in his head.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That's internal narrative.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
He's not talking out loud.
|
|
xana
|
Exactly. You want the reader to
know about this scene, but dialogue doesn't work.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yep. That's when internal
narrative is very necessary.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
When it's just a 'lazy way
out' as in our family reunion example, it weakens the story.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about the
balance of internal narrative and action here. I've published seven novels
(number eight will be out in November) , more than 60 short stories, and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you
|
|
charie'
|
Isn't internal narrative mostly
worry about possible future events or consequences of past events in the
MC's present?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Sometimes not.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Sometimes it's a POV
character's reaction to another character's actions or dialogue...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and if we don't understand
that internal reaction, we might misinterpret that character's actions or
dialogue.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
For example, if one character
says something, and our POV agrees, then we assume that the POV is really
in agreement.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But if that character says
something, our POV thinks 'he's lying' and then agrees...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
we now know that he doesn't
really agree at all. He's just saying that for whatever reason.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It adds character insight in
this case.
|
|
megger
|
I've been using internal
narrative for my MC reactions without another character present.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That's an excellent use for
it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Again...it's not that internal
narrative is BAD...it's highly valuable when used in the right way...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but it can become 'telling'
when used to replace action/dialogue.
|
|
charie'
|
I see. Many romances show the
misinterpretation of another's dialogue creating tension between the MC's.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yes, exactly.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
As I recall...I'm not a big
romance reader...internal narrative is used quite a bit there.
|
|
geezer
|
"Yes, Mom, she didn't mena
it." It was a lie. She knew her sister very well.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Exactly, geeze.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about the
balance of internal narrative and action here. I've published seven novels
(number eight will be out in November) , more than 60 short stories, and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you
|
|
grayalien
|
In my story, the MC is actually
killed during a scene, and then brought back to life in the next scene. This
necessitates a brief switch into cinematic third-person POV in order to
hear and see the actions of the villians. Think I can pull this off?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Sure gray. I sure don't know
any way you're going to be able to stay in his POV in that one! :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Remember 'rules' of writing
are not inviolable engravings on stone tablets!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
They simply tell you that
'this is the easiest way to do it'..
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and you can break every rule
out there ....as long as the story works.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That, of course, is the
challenge.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You can switch out of his POV,
gray, use cinematic POV so we see the scene, but we're not inside any other
character's POV...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and slip back into his POV in
the next scene when he's ressurected.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That shouldn't jolt readers
too much.
|
|
xana
|
Ceteris paribus, it is harder to
make th estory work if you break the rules
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It is.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
They've become 'rules' because
they mostly work best this way...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but you CAN do otherwise. It's
just a lot harder.
|
|
charie'
|
The narrative behind
"What's wrong, dear?" and "Nothing." has infinite
possiblities.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Oh yeah. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But that's also one that can
often be shown best by action.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Action is harder because you
have to give readers enough clues that they figure out what you want 'em to
figure out.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But if you CAN do it, then do
it with action rather than internal narrative.
|
|
tory
|
Also a lot harder to sell our
work when we're yet unpublixhed. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well, yes and no. The key is
'works'...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but yeah, if you're doing
something that isn't usual, you'll get more rejection slips as you break
in.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The publishing industry does
like 'new voices'...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and they usually come into
view through the short fiction and small press publishers...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But if they succeed they do
come to the notice of the big fish. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Where a lot of novice writers
run into trouble is that they simply don't realize how much you can
reveal..
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
through action and dialogue
and how few clues readers need to jump to more or less the right
conclusion.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Everyone wants to be really
really sure that the reader 'gets it' when they start out.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Actually, a lovely example at
my own expense...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
is how much internal narrative
I've been stripping out of my reedit of my first novel.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I didn't think I was using a
lot at the time.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'm using a WHOLE lot less
now. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That was my first novel, and
like everyone else, I was working too hard to make sure the reader 'got
it'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Remember that in the real
world...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
we learn things mostly through
our senses. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The more you stick with the
senses, reserving internal narrative for character insights when needed,
rather than for backstory...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
the more real your story will
seem.
|
|
writermom
|
I'm struggling with a lot of
dream sequences and internal monologue how much is too much
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Dream sequences tend to be
more effective when we and the sleeper 'live' the dream.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That is, you describe the
action as if it is happening now to the sleeper, as if it is reality,
rather than a dream.
|
|
writermom
|
the dreams are definately full
of action
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That's good. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Then you're not really using
internal narrative...rather you're doing something like a flashback.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Only instead of reliving the
past, you're living the dream.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
One of the reasons novice
writers use that 'think about the past' start...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
is a belief that the reader
has to know everything before the story starts. Who this person is, where
we are, how we have gotten here...and so forth.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And actually you don't need to
set the stage at all.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You can drop your characters
into an ongoing scene and weave in just enough clues...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
taht your readers can keep
their heads above water. :-) Then you start dropping in backstory details
and slowly the entire picture emerges...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but the immediate action
sucked the readers into the story.
|
|
xana
|
How do you handle backstory in a
sequel when some, but not all, readers have read the first book?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That's tough, xana!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You do need to ground new
readers, but you can't reinvent your main character...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
or rehash history that your
loyal readers know.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You have to invent scenes that
will reveal enough backstory about your MC that new readers will have
enough...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but not bore the loyals.
|
|
dwkav
|
For me, stories are like
relationships and the fun part of new relationships is learning about the
person over a period of time.
|
|
dwkav
|
If someone tells me his/her life
story the first day, I run for the hills.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well put, dwkav.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And that's exactly the issue
with too much backstory right up front.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If Melinda drives up and she
thinks about how her friend broke up her relationship with Jacob and ever
since, all through her ...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
college years away from home,
she couldn't forget him, and even now, engaged to Robert, she still dreams
of him...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and she pulls up into the
front yard and Jacob is out watering the cows...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
well we know most of what is
going to happen over the next few chapters!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
why bother to read on?
|
|
xana
|
Has anyone ever tried a Chapter
Zero for readers who have not read the previous books?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yes, some people do that,
xana.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Marion Zimmer Bradly had a one
page synopsis of her MC that she used in all of the novels featuring that
person...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She said the regulars could
just skip it. The new readers would be introduced to her.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It worked for her.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It always occured in the first
scene and was an up-front expository lump. A narrative intrusion as she
recounted the woman's history.
|
|
geezer
|
How would that differ from a
prologue?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It was part of the first scene
always, geeze, but I've seen it done as a prologue, too...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
to catch up readers who
haven't read books one and two, for example.
|
|
xana
|
It beats having to read the same
background stuff over and over and over...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
yeah, but you don't have to do
that.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I had a mystery series with
the same main character.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Drove me NUTS figuring out how
to give enough backstory without boring the many loyal mystery readers...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
who read all books in the
series.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What I did was to give her
something to do that revealed her profession and through dialogue, an
encounter with someone, what have you...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
reveal a bit about her
backstory.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You didn't know as much about
her as the regulars did, but you'd know enough to enjoy the story.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And the regulars didn't notice
it as 'backstory insert here'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
At least none of them ever
complained...and readers DO complain, believe me.
|
|
charie'
|
A page of vocabulary for a
sci-fi story can give clues too.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That's something to REALLY
avoid, charie.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It's an admission that you
can't make the meaning of your words clear. And many many readers never
look at it.
|
|
writermom
|
I've been reading the Left
Behind series and they put the last few pages of the previous book in the
new book to bring the reader up to speed
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I haven't read the series, but
it sounds as if one leads directly into the next. So that could work there.
|
|
info
|
Even if the regulars did recall
reading it, don't they usually look at it as a reminder?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Oh yes, as long as it's woven
into a scene that's going somewhere.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
where you run into trouble is
when you ONLY give the readers backstory and nothing much is moving the
plot forward.
|
|
writermom
|
yes it does especially in the
later books they also list the characters and their positions in the book
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So this sounds like a 'slice
of sausage' series, where it's really one loooong story. :-)
|
|
grayalien
|
I must comment on Cherie's
question. Some authors DO insert a vocabulary page - this actually does
work well for techo-thrillers that involve a lot of military jargon and/or
technical acronyms
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I know they do, gray.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'm just saying it's not a
good idea.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You the author are supposed to
make those words clear from context.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And even in a techo thriller
you CAN do that.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You forget, I routinely create
universes that are full of things that are totally invented. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It just takes brain sweat is
all.
|
|
charie'
|
If you made the words clear in
book one, isn't it boring to have to make them clear in ALL the following
books?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well it shouldn't be boring to
the reader, it should be invisible.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
To YOU it's going to be work.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Writing is work. :-)
|
|
queenbee
|
Is it okay to change a
assignment after sending initial idea
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It has always been fine with
me, queen. I want my students to send me whatever is working for them...and
change is part of writing.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But I can't speak for your
instructor.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If I"m your instructor,
you're fine. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I would send in the changed
assignment and tell your instructor why you changed it. I don't think it
will be an issue at all.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about the
balance of internal narrative and action here. I've published seven novels
(number eight will be out in November) , more than 60 short stories, and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you
|
|
geezer
|
How about pronounciation though?
How is that done without a Glossary?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well, you can do that.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Some historical writers using
unusual names include a pronunciation glossary.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
(with Welsh you REALLY need
it! Gallic, too!)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
For made up names in SF,
fantasy, etc, I really suggest you create names readers can pronounce.
|
|
andi
|
that was a good idea and i'm
going to try it. but at the start page i have the woman falling off the
cliff and going back in time. should i show who it is if i'm going to write
first person. at the start i don't until the one chasing her yells her
first name
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If you're writing first
person, she has no reason to think of her name unless you give her one.
Just wait until someone yells her name. that's fine.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We don't need to know her name
at all if we're falling through space with her! That's exciting enough!
We're going to worry about where we're going to land, not who she is.
|
|
charie'
|
Use some internal narrative to
react to the weird sound of the name.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
That's a good way, Charie. Or
let the character pronounce it, because obviously everyone mispronounces
it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
"My name is
Cer-id-i-wynn' Ceridwyn pronounced the syllables carefully
|
|
andi
|
i don't put her thoughts there
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We don't need to know her name
right away, andi.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Sometime in the first scene
eventually is soon enough.
|
|
charie'
|
Can't she hear her name echoing
as the last sound before everything goes haywire? "Marguerite!"
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She could, but you'd have to
be careful you didn't break the tension of falling...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Creating the sense of drama is
always a delicate balancing act.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is our After Hours Forum,
with me, Mary Rosenblum, your web editor and we're talking about the
balance of internal narrative and action here. I've published seven novels
(number eight will be out in November) , more than 60 short stories, and
will do my best to answer any questions you have. If you're new here,
remember that you need to click on the 'Ask a Question' button or the 'word
bubble' next to the red question mark at the top of the screen in order to
ask a question. Your regular 'send' bar won't reach me! Or you can use /ask
and type your question into the regular send bar if that works better for
you
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Do beware of using internal
narrative in scenes of high drama.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If someone is fighting for
his/her life, running from danger, struggling in a flooding rive...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
river...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
they're not likely to be doing
a lot of coherent thinking.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Any time you use internal
narrative it stops the forward momentum of the scene.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Now you can make it work by
inserting it in very short snatches.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
As someone runs from danger,
they might think in short fragments of sentences.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And interspersed with vivid
action it won't slow the scene down.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But a long stretch...several
sentences worth...will drastically reduce the dramatic tension of the
scene.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I love the fight scenes I've
seen where Our Hero parries a thrust and then thinks about how grateful he
is to his old master...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
who took him in when he was
eight and taught him sword craft and how he would never have survived...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
this long without the old
guy's tutelage. And by this time I'm rolling my eyes because his opponent
has had time to cut off his head and go have a beer.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Editors love scenes like this.
They pass them around to other editors. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
The main thing to remember about
internal narrative is that it is a very powerful tool, but like salt, it's
easy to over use it...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
and when you do it can ruin
the dish.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Do NOT use it to convey
backstory.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Find a way to do that through
action and dialogue and realize you can get away with a lot less backstory
than you think you need.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
But DO use it to give us
valuable character insights...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
that add a rich layer of
meaning to the character's words or actions that would otherwise seem to
mean something else.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Use it to add another layer to
dialogue.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What your character says plus
what she is thinking may add up to a very powerful bit of information.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And less is more.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Readers are very good at
taking a clue or two and running with it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Those readers really don't
have to get everything right...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
as long as they're more or
less on the same page with you.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
dim writer, I caught your
question.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
What did you mean by 'what if
they're not the same thing'?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You mean the thought and the
spoken dialogue?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Try typing /ask in your
regular send bar.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And then type your question.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Okay...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
that's when internal narrative
is very necessary.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
If your character says 'no'
but is thinking 'yes' we know a lot more about what is going on...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
than if we merely hear that
'no'.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
For example,
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
One character might say 'Go to
bed. Everything is just fine."
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And our POV says 'Okay'. But
she's thinking, 'It's far from all right."
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So when she goes back to her
room and immediately climbs out the window, we'll understand why.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She didn't believe the
speaker.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
She said one thing and thought
the opposite.
|
|
xana
|
"Your casserole is
delicious, Sarah," Steven said, reaching for the salt.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And that's a lovely example of
using action instead of internal narrative.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Nice job, xana.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
You could have done this: "Your
casserole is delicious, Sarah,"
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Steven said. It needs salt, he
thought.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And that's much more clunky
than reaching for the salt.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
This is one of those times
action is more effective than internal narrative.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Always try to use action first
or dialogue.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And if you can't...then use
the internal narrative.
|
|
xana
|
he hoped the meat in the
casserole wasn't spoiled.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
LOL
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
It tasted spoiled. He hoped he
was wrong.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
So internal narrative is salt
for us writers.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
A sprinkle makes all the
difference between bland and delicious...
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
but too much and you can't eat
it.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Don't use it for backstory.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Do use it to reveal character,
but use action and dialogue first if you can.
|
|
charie'
|
But the salt won't help if the
meat's spoiled. LOL.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
True. :-)
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
And internal narrative sure
won't fix everything!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Well, I hope you'll all join
us Sunday evening for our casual chat.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I can tell you all about the
World SF conference. I'm STILL tired!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
We get together on Sundays
about this time -- 5 pm Pacific, 6 Mt, 7 central, 8 east coast.
|
|
andi
|
at this time Sunday?
|
|
grayalien
|
Will you be there Sunday, Mary?
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Yep I will.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I got home way too late, last
Sunday.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
A couple of small presses in
SF are really taking off -- challenging the big names.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Got all kinds of good insights
and saw lots of friends in the biz.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
See you all on Sunday.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Have a fun holiday weekend!
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
I'll post the transcript in
the usual place.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
Writing Craft Forum
Transcripts.
|
|
mary rosenblum
|
|