Show, Don't Tell: What Is It Really? 4/29/08

Mary Rosenblum

Good morning all!

Mary Rosenblum

I hope you're enjoying sunshine or if not, thinking of those spring flowers!

Mary Rosenblum

I'm getting some nice flowery submissions to my prompt.

Mary Rosenblum

I wanted to talk about 'show don't tell' because it's something that shows up in every book on writing, in every course on writing, or so it seems...

Mary Rosenblum

but an awful lot of folk don't really understand what it actually means.

Mary Rosenblum

if you type /ask in your regular send bar and then type your question, instead of using the 'ask a question' button, you can send a longer question. :-)

Mary Rosenblum

Try that, sss.

andi

is there a time you can tell and not show

Mary Rosenblum

Absolutely, andi.

Mary Rosenblum

Essentially, prose is divided into narrative and non narrative forms.

Mary Rosenblum

'Narrative' simply means someone is telling the story.

Mary Rosenblum

Could be an author (Once upon a time in a land far away lived a very small, very wise man...)

Mary Rosenblum

Could be a first person character. I'm going to tell you about the time my pa and I went to New Salem to trade our corn crop.

Mary Rosenblum

And it can be the author speaking in first person.

sss1208

my question is short- U are against the to be verbs, is THERE ARE one of the "to be" verbs

Mary Rosenblum

Yeah, to be verbs are weak and you really need to use them as little as possible. Not never' because sometimes you NEED one. She was scared says it all, neatly.

Mary Rosenblum

And There was, there is, there are are not only using a to be verb (is, are, were) they are nearly always grammatically incorrect when used to begin a sentence. Not to mention VERY weak.

Mary Rosenblum

There are three roses along the sidewalk is much stronger as Three roses line the sidewalk.

Mary Rosenblum

So essentially, you have prose where someone is telling the story, either a character or the author.

Mary Rosenblum

And you have prose where the reader is 'watching' the story take place.

Mary Rosenblum

And this is where 'show don't tell' is critical, since the strength of that non-narrative piece depends on the readers seeing and hearing the scene for themselves.

geezer

Melissa felt overwhelming joy. Did she dare believe? Is this showing or telling?

Mary Rosenblum

It's pretty short and you're using internal narrative. But I would avoid words like 'felt' or 'saw', 'experienced' that sort of thing. That is you the author telling us .

Mary Rosenblum

I would probably do something like this. Melissa dragged herself to the window and peered out. Robbie's truck. She clasped her hands, joy filling her. Did she dare believe?

Mary Rosenblum

That's pretty much the same thing, I just avoided using that world 'felt'.

susan_2707

I find that when I try to create pictures with my words, I sometimes use too many words. How do you know what to weed out and take away from the scene?

Mary Rosenblum

It's always a balance, susan. Showing does take more words than telling. That's because telling simply conveys the information.

Mary Rosenblum

It's very short and to the point.

Mary Rosenblum

Johnny was scared of the dog.

Mary Rosenblum

But it does not make the scene and the character seem real. There's nothing here to see, no information for the readers to glean from this scene. The author has spoon fed the information to us.

Mary Rosenblum

The scrawny hound poked its head out from under the sagging porch and Johnny froze, heart pounding.

Mary Rosenblum

What do we learn from this?

Mary Rosenblum

Johnny was scared of the dog.

Mary Rosenblum

Why not just say it?

Mary Rosenblum

You're simply conveying the information and the readers are not there, they don't see, they don't hear, they don't get to participate.

geezer

so: Joy overwhelmed her?

Mary Rosenblum

Yeah.

Mary Rosenblum

Same thing, but you're avoiding that word 'felt' which is very much you telling us what's going on.

Mary Rosenblum

One or two uses of felt or thought are not going to ruin a lovely story. :-)

Mary Rosenblum

But people tend to do a LOT of telling and the effect is that the story seems flat and lifeless.

Mary Rosenblum

It's a subtle effect and often the main difference between a rejection and an acceptance.

Mary Rosenblum

Remember that the more real the story seems the more it engages the readers, the more they believe that world, the more they are part of it.

rae

The old fisherman continued to sew on his nets, occasionally looking up at the boy. Several minutes passed before he continued. "How did you like it?" Showing or telling?

Mary Rosenblum

Pretty good, rae, but try going deeper here. Climb into that fisherman's head. How does he think of himself? As 'the old fisherman'?

Mary Rosenblum

I bet he thinks of himself as Harry or Karn or whatever his name is.

Mary Rosenblum

By describing him as 'the old fisherman' you are giving us information. If he's mending nets by a boat, guess what we'll think he does for a living?

Mary Rosenblum

Let us figure it oiut.

Mary Rosenblum

Karn kept mending the torn net, watching the kid shift from foot to foot. Finally he put the shuttle down. "How did you like it?"

Mary Rosenblum

I didn't tell the readers how much time passed, right?

Mary Rosenblum

But he keeps mending and he watches the kid. That shifting from foot to foot suggests that time is passing and the kid is getting impatient. So we have 'several minutes passed'

Mary Rosenblum

but I let the readers figure that out for themselves, eh?

Mary Rosenblum

I decided arbitrarily that old Karn thinks of boys as 'kids' not 'boys'.

Mary Rosenblum

I kept the scene alive by having him put the shuttle down to talk to the kid. That implies that he has been mending steadily but now he's stopping.

Mary Rosenblum

You could slip lots more information there for the readers to find for themselves. :-)

Mary Rosenblum

If Karn scowls, we'll guess his reaction to the boy's presence.

Mary Rosenblum

Same thing if he tosses the shuttle aside....he's betraying impatience and we'll hear a different tone of voice.

Mary Rosenblum

Showing is like hiding Easter eggs for the readers to gather.

Mary Rosenblum

You hide enough of them and the readers get their baskets filled, whether they find every egg or not.

Mary Rosenblum

And just as in real life, they learn through observation rather than because someone instructs them.

Mary Rosenblum

A lot of mechanics go into 'showing'.

Mary Rosenblum

Body language is a biggie.

Mary Rosenblum

It's VERY underused.

Mary Rosenblum

But this is how we guage emotion when we don't have tone of voice to rely on.

Mary Rosenblum

And in writing, of course, you don't have tone of voice to rely on, you have to create that tone of voice.

Mary Rosenblum

I can give Karn any emotional mood I want in that scene.

Mary Rosenblum

Same with the boy.

Mary Rosenblum

I made him patient and the boy impatient.

Mary Rosenblum

I could have made the boy sullen, staring down at the weathered planks of the dock, shoulders hunched.

Mary Rosenblum

I could have made him anxious, twisting his hands together or picking at his ragged shirt.

Mary Rosenblum

I could have made Karn angry.

ginas

so you walk a fine line as to leaving to much for the reader to figure out or to little?

Mary Rosenblum

Yes, ginas, you do. And I would depend heavily on reader feedback until you 'get your feet under you' and get a feel for how much or how little you need.

gail

I need help "showing" my Limited-2nd POV character. Can you please offer some tips on how to do this effectively?

gail

More precisely, his appearance, not his character...sorry.

Mary Rosenblum

I'm not going to be able to help you much with this, gail. Second person, 'you' is a very awkward voice and is normally used in experimental fiction

Mary Rosenblum

or those old 'choose your own adventure' books that came out in, I think, the eighties.

Mary Rosenblum

You are speaking to the readers, telling them what they might do. It's a narrative form since you the author are talking directly to the readers.

gail

Omigosh...sorry! I meant limited- 3rd POV!

Mary Rosenblum

Ah, I'm relieved. :-) LOL

Mary Rosenblum

Yes, showing your MC to the readers in a good, zero narrative distance third person is HARD!

Mary Rosenblum

The mirror is an old cliche, but hey, if your character is getting ready for a party or worried about how he/she will look for a job interview, use it!

Mary Rosenblum

Otherwise, I'll often try for a comparison if I can.

Mary Rosenblum

Or simply show us some feature.

Mary Rosenblum

Carrie looked up to meet John's eyes. Roger stood on tiptoe to reach the book on top of the refrigerator.

Mary Rosenblum

We know these characters are fairly short, most likely.

Mary Rosenblum

Unless John is seven foot two, that is.

Mary Rosenblum

Cherry was model thin. Janet sighed and ran her hands over her thick hips. Peasant stock, Granny always said. "I don't think I want to go to the dance, thanks."

gail

Believe it or not, my story is set before mirrors. I have thought of using a still pond for this purpose, however. Would that be too hokey?

Mary Rosenblum

It's only hokey if your character breaks off what she is doing, walks over to the pond and analyzes her every detail.

Mary Rosenblum

Swinging the egg basked Jenny headed to the barn. Halfway there, she set the basket down and bent over the stock tank outside the barn. She admired her brown hair, blue eyes, and oval face. Then she went back for her basket and hurried to gather the eggs.

Mary Rosenblum

Hokey.

gail

I'm thinking it would occur when he needs to splash a little cold water on his face.

Mary Rosenblum

Ah yes...BUT...the last time you put your contacts in did you really notice your features? Unless, say, you had sprouted a bit ugly zit over night?

Mary Rosenblum

We are SO familiar with our faces that we don't really pay attention to details most of the time.

Mary Rosenblum

BUT...you can give your character a reason to do so!

Mary Rosenblum

Let's go back to Jenny.

Mary Rosenblum

Jenny set her basket down and walked slowly over to the stock tank. Blue eyes, brown hair, kind of thin and straight. What made Katy's black curls so pretty? She stuck her tongue out at her reflection, splashed her hand across the still water. Carl was so stupid.

Mary Rosenblum

Stomping back across the barnyard she snatched up her basket and hurried to gather the eggs.

Mary Rosenblum

Now Jenny has a reason to analyze her looks.

Mary Rosenblum

She's jealous because Carl likes black haired Katy.

Mary Rosenblum

One way to help increase your showing is to look at a sentence and ask yourself 'how does the reader know this?'

Mary Rosenblum

If the answer is 'because I told 'em', change it.

Mary Rosenblum

Ask yourself how you can make the readers figure it out for themselves.

gail

You make it look easy! : ) Thanks, your examples are excellent.

Mary Rosenblum

It's VERY hard to do at first. BUT....as you get the hang of it, it will become easy, automatic even.

rae

"Yup, grownups can't hear him. Only kids can hear him." He tried to hide his smile, but unsuccessfully. "But you must be . . . what? 8 years old?" Is this showing or telling?

Mary Rosenblum

Oh, good example, rae! So let's look at it, using my above suggestion.

Mary Rosenblum

He tried to hide his smile. Well, this is what our speaker is aware of right?

Mary Rosenblum

If you're trying not to smile, you're aware that you're doing it.

Mary Rosenblum

but unsuccessfully. Does he know he's not actually donig it? Probably not. I can think I'm hiding a smile, but people looking at me can see it. I'd leave this out.

Mary Rosenblum

We know he didn't succeed because you told us.

Mary Rosenblum

Or...you can let us know that he failed because he sees their reaction.

Mary Rosenblum

He tried to hide his smile but they were on to him.

Mary Rosenblum

He's noticing their expressions and realizing that they see that smile and don't belive him.

andi

what about he covered his mouth to hide his smile.

Mary Rosenblum

That's fine, andi. He's aware of covering his mouth to hide his smile.

Mary Rosenblum

Let's face it, when you tell a story you TELL a story. I'ts all 'told' of course. What we do with 'show, don't tell' is use a sort of sleight of hand

Mary Rosenblum

to allow readers to 'see' that story taking place in their mind's eye, so it becomes real to them.

rae

He ducked his head to hide his smile. Better?

Mary Rosenblum

Yep. Or you could do He tried to hide his smile. Failed.

Mary Rosenblum

That 'Failed' is his internal awareness. He noticed their expressions, sees that they've caught his smile.

Mary Rosenblum

If you use the character's voice for those bits of narrative, we'll read them as that character's own thoughts, even though you're not 'quoting' that person's thoughts.

Mary Rosenblum

Arn hauled the dory up on the beach. He was so in trouble now. Wrapping the painter around a thick snag of buried driftwood he tugged hard on it with his numb hands. All he'd need now was to lose Pappy's boat.

Mary Rosenblum

That 'he was so in trouble now' is how I hear my character's voice. Compare it to this where _I_ tell you he's in trouble.

Mary Rosenblum

Arn hauled the dory up onto the beach. He knew he was in serious trouble now. Wrapping the painter around a thick snag of ...

Mary Rosenblum

Here I am telling you what he knows.

Mary Rosenblum

In the first example, you overhear his thought and you learn it from HIM not from me.

ginas

do you use show don't tell the same way when writing nonfiction, Mary?

Mary Rosenblum

When I'm doing non-narrative nonfiction yes.

Mary Rosenblum

Most nonfiction does tend to be in narrative form.

Mary Rosenblum

But even if you're using first person narrative in personal narrative, say,

Mary Rosenblum

the more you can let your readers figure things out from the action/details you describe the better.

Mary Rosenblum

Then you can elaborate with your narrative.

Mary Rosenblum

Here's what I mean.

Mary Rosenblum

Yesterday I went down to the pond and watched the frogs mating. It really felt like spring.

Mary Rosenblum

That's me telling you what I did.

Mary Rosenblum

I didn't let you join me down at the pond. You want to come along?

Mary Rosenblum

Yesterday, I crawled through the budding blackberry and nettle shoots down to my favorite log by the pond, the old hawthorn trunk that still blooms like crazy.

Mary Rosenblum

White blossoms snowed down on me as I sat with my feet in the buttercups and watched brown and green frogs chasing each other through the reeds at the shallow, muddy end of the pond.

copper

can you define non-narrative? Theoretically, the writer is always telling a story on some level, whether the word pictures are prominant or not. Does it mean with dialogue and action tags, or what?

Mary Rosenblum

Non narrative means that you are letting the readers follow the story through action and dialogue. You are not telling them what is gonig on.

Mary Rosenblum

The above example is narrative.

Mary Rosenblum

I am TELLING you about my trip to the pond, but using as much showing as I can.

Mary Rosenblum

Jens crawled through the blackberry, wincing as the thorns snagged his scalp. White blososm sprinkled the old hawthorn trunk and he scrambled onto it, grinning as three frogs plopped into the still pond.

Mary Rosenblum

Everything in the above is Jens' awareness.

Mary Rosenblum

That creates the illusion that we are watching Jens ourselves.

ginas

I find it hard when writing articles on say, depression..not to be just narrating the results of research

Mary Rosenblum

Well, you have many different types of nonfiction, and often 'showing' is not appropriate! I wrote research articles for scientific journals. Now showing allowed!

Mary Rosenblum

BUT...even a piece on depression can use showing judiciously. Use anecdotes to illustrate your points.

Mary Rosenblum

THe patient, we'll call her Miriam, wore a dress on her next visit. Her hair was combed for the first time since I'd started working with her and she gave me a dazzling smile.

Mary Rosenblum

Now that's not going to be appropirate for, say, a journal article, or a white paper on the effectiveness of anti-depression drug therapy for a conference. :-

Mary Rosenblum

But for a general public magazine it's more 'showing' than 'on her next visit my patient, we'll call her Miriam, was much less depressed'.

Mary Rosenblum

Showing is a subtle thread that woven into your prose is going to take you to the next level of craft. It is made up of a thousand tiny instances in your piece and over all, it makes the difference between 'nice but not quite there' and 'sale'.

Mary Rosenblum

Once you 'get it' it's like falling off a log, but 'getting it' is not easy. Keep working at it! :-)

Mary Rosenblum

Thanks for coming and I'll post the transcript in the usual place -- Writing Craft, Forum Transcripts.

Mary Rosenblum

Have a great week! Happy spring!