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Mary Rosenblum
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Good morning all!
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Mary Rosenblum
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I hope you had a great
weekend.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I hope you all enjoyed the
many different story ideas sparked by my prompt in last week's newsletter.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I have been enjoying these
writing prompts and the enthusiastic response they've evoked.
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hauckston
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You weren't kidding when you
said that one idea would spark one hundred ideas from one hundred authors.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I wasn't kidding. Nice
illustration isn't it?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Today I wanted to talk about
words.
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Mary Rosenblum
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This is not something to worry
about when you write your first draft. Let me make that point first.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I am all for letting your
creative mind have a free rein on the first draft.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Just tell the story, let it
take control. You can fix things later on. Getting to the end is the first consideration.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But once you start revising,
then you can think about different aspects of the story.
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peacerose
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When do you know if you are
using too many adverbs?
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Mary Rosenblum
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While some adverbs are useful,
they tend to be a 'lazy shortcut' instead of 'showing action the to
reader'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Find a better verb instead of
modifying the one you're using.
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Mary Rosenblum
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She said angrily is probably
going to be stronger as she snapped.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Or you can 'show' us her anger
through her body language ...even better!
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Mary Rosenblum
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Lana rounded on him, fists
clenched. "You're lying."
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Mary Rosenblum
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How did Lana say that, eh?
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hauckston
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I reiterate regarding Nanowrimo...
as an author, it was the one of the most liberating creative endeavours I
have had.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I think that's the strength of
nano, hauck. You don't really end up with a saleable novel at the end of
that first draft, but you end up with a COMPLETED novel.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That is a big deal. Make it
saleable later.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Or just know that you can
write a novel draft. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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The reason adverbs are looked
down on, rose, is that you can usually find a stronger verb.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The reason you want to look
carefully at words is that strong writing is, in effect, the most impact in
the fewest words.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you can make most of your
words do 'double duty' you'll have very strong writing indeed.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If, for example, your verbs
convey emotion or mood, if your adjectives convey mood, you are adding
extra layers to your sentences.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You're readers are less aware
of being 'told stuff' as they read.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The decrepit old house stood
in an unkempt lot. It looked very spooky.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That gives readers information
-- an old house, unkempt lot, spooky. But...
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Mary Rosenblum
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how do we get that
information? From the author's words -- unkempt, decrepit, spooky.
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Mary Rosenblum
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What do we see? Well, we know there's
a house there and a lot. That's it.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The house sagged in a sea of
dead, frost-bitten weeds, its rotting windows cavernous wounds full of
darkness.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Decrepit house, unkempt lot,
spooky.
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Mary Rosenblum
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How does the reader come to
those conclusions?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Visual details. As we would
acquire information in real life. :-)
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peacerose
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What about prepositional
phrases? Can you over use them?
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Mary Rosenblum
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There's nothing you CAN'T use,
rose, including adverbs. :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
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The question is always -- is
this the best choice?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Could I do this more strongly?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Every bit of grammar is
useful.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The problem is that we use
conversational English when we start writing. Why not? You speak it every
day.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But conversational langauge is
not meant to convey visuals most of the time.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It mostly conveys information
and if the conversational partner is confused, the speaker realizes it from
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Mary Rosenblum
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what that person says or the
expression on that person's face and adds more detail.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But when you write, you can't
see your reader's face and add information.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So you have to include much
more information than you do when you talk and you have to do it subtly.
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unicorn
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Showing is telling with the eyes
- as we would actually see it if we were looking at it, is that correct?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Exactly, unicorn. Think about describing
the scene for a blind person. That's what you're doing essentially.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Of course you're also keeping
the story moving at the same time and creating a character. THink of
juggling...
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janecj333
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Delete a few adjectives, too? :)
"The house sagged in a sea of weeds, each window a wound too long
untended."
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Mary Rosenblum
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That would depend on what
effect I wanted to create, jane. that 'wound too long untended' would work
if this if the POV character is thinking about the house's history.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It conveys more than just the
visual impact.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If the POV is simply looking
at a house he/she has never seen before, and is in a nervous state of
mind...
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Mary Rosenblum
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he/she might look at those
gaping spaces full of darkness and maybe something scary and think 'wound'
and 'cave'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Much of your word choices for
scenes depends heavily on POV.
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hauckston
|
in this course, I can see the
difference in my writing. From a novel I penned two years ago to what I
turn out now, I find that though I may not be up on the terminology, my
words have an impact which they were lacking.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yeah, you can usually DO
things long before you can explain WHAT you're doing. :-)
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hauckston
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As wordsmiths we have the
ability to draw someone's focus to wherever it is we choose, but in varying
degrees dependant on the words utilised.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well, exactly. It's ALL about
the words, hauck.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You have an agenda with every
scene you write -- or you should have!
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Mary Rosenblum
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What do you want to do with
this scene?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Make the character's
personality clearer? Create a mood? GIve a sense of time passing? Give a
sense of history?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Every agenda requires that the
scene be written differently, using different words to achieve that agenda.
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Mary Rosenblum
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As I said early on, this is
late-stage revision.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's the advanced end of
writing, the subtle tweaking, underlining, highlighting that is not at all
visible to the reader
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Mary Rosenblum
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but essentially manipulates
the reader so that your agenda is achieved....without the reader being
aware that he/she is being manipulated.
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hauckston
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I've been told that some leading
authors have a tendancy to spend too long describing the room.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can find good and bad
examples of everything in published fiction, hauck.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Some really AWFUL examples.
:-) And some really powerful examples.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I said earlier that word
choice needs to depend heavily on your POV>
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Mary Rosenblum
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You want your vocabulary
choices to reflect that character whether you are using third or first
person POV.
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hauckston
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I remember something to the
effect in "On Writing Well" & William Zinsser's comment that
when his students wrote something that he would encourage them to mark up
the pages and take out what was repetitive. A good observation. Means you
can insert more meat into your story.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Oh, lord yes. Repetition is
one of the first things you need to look for.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Especially if you're writing
nonfiction.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You do NOT get paid a buck a
word plus to repeat yourself!!!
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unicorn
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The description of a room or
setting depends on what you are trying to convey. Right?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Exactly. In my earlier
example, I wanted to make that house seem spooky so that I didn't have to
tell the reader it was spooky.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Remember, we're manipulating
the reader.
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Mary Rosenblum
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How do I make my reader think
'spooky'? And I think about how I might 'see' a house that scares me.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yawning, empty windows and
door like eyes and mouth in a skull, the sense that the house might fall on
me, is leaning toward me...
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Mary Rosenblum
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tangle of dead, rotting weeds,
maybe frost so that I"m physically uncomfortable as well as a bit
scared.
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Mary Rosenblum
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okay, now what of these many details
can I use in that scene so that my reader feels the same way?
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gwanny
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It makes me crazy to read a
story where say an English Lit teacher talks like the average kid on the
street. As a reader you know it's not right
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Mary Rosenblum
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Really, gwanny? But if that
English lit teacher is trying to create a kid on the street as a character,
who is going to believe in that kid if he talks like an English Lit
teacher?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Not me.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And if that English Lit
teacher is stepping back into the past to when he/she was a child, that
child voice will bring that sense of moment to life for the reader.
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Mary Rosenblum
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YOu can also tell about your
life as a child with an adult voice...
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Mary Rosenblum
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but then you are being the
adult to the reader, remembering the childhood. It's entirely a matter of
what you want to do with the narrative.
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Mary Rosenblum
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What effect you want to
create.
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adularia
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How can you tell if you are
giving too many details?
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's tough, adularia. Good
question. :-) It's easy to put in too many details if you LOVE those
details and they're way cool.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It helps to let the piece sit
for a few days or so and read it again. If the action 'disappears' in
details it's probably too much. In nonfiction, if the thread of your piece
vanishes
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Mary Rosenblum
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it's too much.
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Mary Rosenblum
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An outside reader who is saavy
enough to say something more than 'good' or 'not good' can help you, too.
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hauckston
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This helps to drive a plot,
doesn't it? One minute your reader is standing on the edge of fear, the
next they're plunging down that cavern and can feel each cobweb they burst
through.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Of course. Detail, word
choice, is how you 'show' rather than 'tell'.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You don't want to stop tyhe
action and start describing every sensory detail for the readers -- that's
an expository lump.
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Mary Rosenblum
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So you have to consider every
word so that a few key details evoke the scene for the readers.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Those words are like seeds,
and they evoke lots of other sensations/images so that you don't have to go
into detail.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
You and your readers share the
task of creating the scene.
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gwanny
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I meant if the teacher is a
character, not the one telling the story. The writer doesn't do a good job
of giving the teacher the correct voice...guess I'm wrong about that
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Mary Rosenblum
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Well that's a critical point
of characterization, gwanny. If your character is an English lit professor,
he/she needs to talk like an English lit professor
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Mary Rosenblum
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but if your character is a
street kid with an awful sixth grade education, he needs to speak like
that.
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hauckston
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It is a very fine line between
too much and not enough.
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Mary Rosenblum
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It's always a fine line, hauck.
That's what learning to write well is all about...finding that fine line
and balancing on it.
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gwanny
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Which is what I meant, sorry.
When writers don't get a characters voice right and use words the character
would not likely use
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Mary Rosenblum
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Exactly. That is probably the
most common characterization weakness I see in work by novice writers.
Everybody talks alike.
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builder guy
|
I like what you said about your
choice of words and the relation with the POV. The MC could be crippled or
be mildly retarded, They would think and move different from you and I. You
think?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Of course. Word choice
reflects world view.
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Mary Rosenblum
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A man who hates kids sees
brats or punks in the park.
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Mary Rosenblum
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A mother who recently lost a
child is going to see beautiful kids out there that wrench her heart.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Same kids.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If your POV is the old guy,
you're not going to describe those kids as curly haired cherubs, that's for
sure.
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dim writer
|
Mary, Should I use local slang?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Dim it entirely depends on
what you're writing.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If I'm writing a personal
narrative as someone who grew up in the mining town where I grew up, I'd
use local idiom.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If I'm doing a third person or
first person character, I'd use local slang since that's how the person
would think.
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hauckston
|
Or someone new to the English
language, who doesn't know the exact word.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Yes. That can be a fun
challenge. :-)
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sheneva1bcs
|
I've been reading Jean Auel's
Earth Children series and that is a perfect example of too many details.
She explains everything to the tiniest detail including hunting habits of
animals we only see once!
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Jean Auel is a really sweet
woman, but yeah, she gets a bit carried away with her details, especially
in her later books.
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geezer
|
My teacher said it would be
impossible for me to write a story that appeals to both men and women.
Would that be because there is a difference in what the sexes prefer in
word choice?
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Mary Rosenblum
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I SINCERELY hope your teacher
was NOT making the generalization that you can't write for anyone outside
your gender.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That is SO bogus and many
writers who have hidden their gender prove it nicely.
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Mary Rosenblum
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As to why that teacher said
YOU might have trouble, I don't know. I'd ask.
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peacerose
|
What about prepositional
phrases? Can you over use them?
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Mary Rosenblum
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Of course, rose. Who said you
can't? As I said, all parts of grammar are useful. Anything can be
overused.
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Mary Rosenblum
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The most common two word
problems I see are these:
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Mary Rosenblum
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1: Lack of specifics.
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Mary Rosenblum
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2. Lack of variation in
character voice.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
People tend to use those vague
conversational words like house.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Why not shack, bungalow,
stately victorian....
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Mary Rosenblum
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Walk rather than strolled,
strutted, stumbled, limped, staggered...
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Mary Rosenblum
|
EAch of those words adds an
extra layer of informatoin. Two for the price of one.
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aelle
|
Can you think of another word
for apartment?
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Maybe loft. But it's what you
see inside the apartment that you need to worry about aelle.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I see so many stories where
the characters go inside.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We never see the inside.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Might be an airplane hangar
for all we know!
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Mary Rosenblum
|
If you're writing travel
nonfiction you REALLY need to think about words.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
There you have a very limited
amount of space to offer readers not only travel info but a very strong
sense of place.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You REALLY pick your words
there.
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cosmos
|
Re: Jean Auel..............She's
a Mensa, which means she has a genius IQ. Anyone who loves learning thrives
on details and loves her description. Just as you wrote in the text of the
LR novel course, sometimes you need details to slow down the pacing. This
enriches the story for me.
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Mary Rosenblum
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That's nice, cosmos, but you
also have to realize that if you are writing fiction it's the story that
matters.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
If you want to write a
nonfiction piece about Antactica or whatever moves you, do it.
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Mary Rosenblum
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But if you want to set your
story in Antarctica, then those details need to be subserviant to the
story.
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hauckston
|
Which is why not only a dictionary
should be well-thumbed, but a thesaurus, also.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Weeelllll yes and now.
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Mary Rosenblum
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no, I mean.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'm of divided mind about the
thesaurus.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Yes, it can offer you lots of
word choices, but they are not always utter synonyms
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Mary Rosenblum
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and if you get the nuance or
subtle meaning wrong, you can make readers chuckle where they should not
chuckle.
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Mary Rosenblum
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If you're not entirely sure of
a word's nuanced meaning, don't use it.
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hauckston
|
I have learned that lesson
regarding a word's nuanced meaning.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Many people do. :-)
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speckledorf
|
I have to say...I love to learn stuff.
But sometimes too much detail drives me to the point I start skipping
paragraphs.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Again, it's a fine line.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
One of the selling points in
the mystery market is a sleuth career that is interesting and unusual.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
But you can't go off into
describing things to the point of losing the story thread.
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janecj333
|
I like to use a thesaurus to
find the shortest possible term. Those one-syllable words are pithy and say
more with less.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Nothing wrong with using it as
long as YOU are sure of the entire meaning and...and do keep this in
mind...as long as you don't send your readers to the dictionary.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
They won't go, for one thing.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
So your pithy meaning may not
have any impact if your readers skip over the word and miss it.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Now I do not mean you need to
write at a sixth grade level for pete's sake! :-)
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Mary Rosenblum
|
But using a word that is very
unusual outside a graduate level reading list is probably a mistake unless
you're writing literary fiction.
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sheneva1bcs
|
as always this is another
balancing act that we have to do as writer's
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Mary Rosenblum
|
It is, and it's a GREAT way to
teach vocabulary if the meaning of that word is pretty easily inferred,
too.
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cosmos
|
Jean Auel, James Michener, and
Edward Rutherfurd write a different type of book with lots of description.
Yes, this doesn't work for mystery and suspense.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Remember, cosmos, you can
ALWAYS find an example of something that works. That does not mean it will
work for YOUR book.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
Just because Hemmingway wrote
like he did doesn't mean it will work if YOU try it.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
There are no rules in writing,
but there are things that work better than other.
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|
hauckston
|
Are we not supposed to write for
ourselves, first and foremost?
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|
Mary Rosenblum
|
Well, yes, and no, hauck.
Writing utterly for yourself is like keeping a diary.
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Mary Rosenblum
|
You have no intention of
sharing it with readers, so who cares if they can understand what you're
trying to say.
|
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Mary Rosenblum
|
I write what I want to write,
but I want my readers to share it, to get the points I'm trying to make, to
think about the
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|
Mary Rosenblum
|
things I want them to think
about. In order to so that, I have to write something that is compelling
and entertaining so that they read it all the
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
way through and get those
points, think about those things.
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|
gskearney
|
Oh darn, and I just got finished
with my first draft of 'The Old Man and the C' about a programmer who
chases down the worlds worst spammer. I guess I'll have to start over. --gk
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|
Mary Rosenblum
|
LOL, if you can really pull
that off, Gary, be sure to send it to Stan at Analog. :-)
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hauckston
|
I wasn't making reference to a
diary, just a place where I'm more comfortable writing... and yes something
that interests the reader, also.
|
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Mary Rosenblum
|
But that was a valid question.
I think quite a few novices think of 'writing for themselves' to mean 'any
way they want' and don't realize
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|
Mary Rosenblum
|
that just because it works for
THEM it doesn't necessarily work for people who are not them. :-)
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|
Mary Rosenblum
|
That's a different awareness.
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|
dim writer
|
Mary, I hate when they trow in
French words in novels.
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|
Mary Rosenblum
|
If you are going to use
foreign words, it is a very nice if you can imply the translation from the
scene. :-)
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
If a character knocks on a
door, you can have the person behind it ask 'who is it?' in just about any
language and readers will get it.
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|
writeaway
|
With so many readers and so many
different tastes in style, it shouldn't be too difficult to find an
audience for something you, yourself enjoys.
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
That's true, but you still
have to make that accessible to those readers. That's where craft and skill
come in.
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
It's nearly impossible for
novice writers to see why their stories don't work for everyone. You have
to begin to understand
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|
Mary Rosenblum
|
how we read, how we translate
type into image/knowlege before you can start doing it better.
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
You know what you're saying
and clearly you've said it. Later on, you begin to realize that while you
said it for anyone who knows as much as you do
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
you haven't said it necessrily
for people who are not you. :-)
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
That's all about word choice,
verb choice, visuals, showing...all that stuff.
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
It's taking waht you want to
write and making it something a thousand strangers can share.
|
|
hauckston
|
Something that I have
discovered, Mary, is that when I create, it isn't where I always thought my
niche would be.
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
Everybody has to find what
works for them.
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
You'll find some articles on
the website about 'showing' and using words effectively.
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
Look in Writing Craft.
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
Well, this has been a fun
discussion. :-)
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
I'll have to talk about words again....maybe
specific types next time.
|
|
janecj333
|
I've found that no story works
for everyone. There's always going to be stranger 1001.However, each person
gets something, even if not what you intended, from every story.
|
|
Mary Rosenblum
|
Nice point, jane, and you MUST
realize....your writing will never appeal to everyone who reads it. Ever.
|
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Mary Rosenblum
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You'll have your audience and
you'll have people who just aren't moved. That's how it is.
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Mary Rosenblum
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I'll post the transcript in
the usual place. :-) Writing Craft: Forum Transcripts.
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Mary Rosenblum
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And do drop in tomorrow for
our casual chat.
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Mary Rosenblum
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Take a look at our many story
ideas in the newseltter.
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Mary Rosenblum
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You can vote for your
favorite, and I'll post the other half next week.
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Mary Rosenblum
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We'll have our 'runoff' on
week three.
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