"First person is the natural storytelling voice…" How many times did an English teacher speak these words during our school years? Well, yes, when we tell a story, we are most often talking about something we have done. You wouldn’t believe what happened to me on my way to the store! And we go on to entertain our friends…or bore them…with our account of the pothole that ate our VW bug!

But in a written work, we cannot add those gestures, tone of voice, personal asides that make Aunt Mary laugh, but wouldn’t mean much to anyone else. And the cardinal rule of strong writing, Show Don’t Tell, still applies. But my gosh, our Point of View character is telling the story to begin with? How the heck can we show it to the reader!

The temptation, of course, is simply to let our POV simply relate the action. I was on my way to the store and my VW bug fell into a big pothole.. Well, that’s an entertaining plot summary, but I really don’t see a lot of images, just the basics: VW, pothole, driver? Male? Female? Car color? Location? Size of hole? Dunno! Funny, I guess, nice idea, but I’m bored. Of course, if I had the Telepathic Hyperlink, so that I could see that scene that you can see, I’d probably be rolling on the floor. But alas, that hyperlink is still in production. So…how do we bring this little scenario to life?

All too often, our POV voice in first person is…ours! Well, that’s fine if YOU are the narrator, but if your character is NOT you, then he or she should certainly not talk like you. If anything, character voice in first person is more critical than in a third person POV story. There we can be entertained by a lot of visuals if the voice is a bit boring. But in first person, the visuals are provided by that voice. If it’s a vanilla pudding monotone…the visuals themselves seem boring.

Before you start writing that first person piece, spend some time talking with your character. How does his speech differ from yours? What are his characteristic slang words? How educated is she? Does she use good grammar or does she talk like she grew up on the street and graduated only from sixth grade? Let that character tell the story. Let’s go back to our VW in the pothole example. Let’s compare this story as told by Melinda Gravenstein, school librarian, who owns the VW, to the story told by Josh, the sixth grader who gets a ride to school with her every morning.

Melinda: It all happened so fast! I had taken Maple Street because the city is paving Elm, and I didn’t want to make Joshua late for school. I wasn’t driving fast…I never exceed the speed limit…but it was very dark and rainy, and the lighting is terrible on that street. I just don’t know how I could have missed the pothole. All of a sudden I felt a terrible jolt and I thought someone had hit us! I banged into the steering wheel and there was a huge spray of water and for an instant, we were floating! Then, the car began to sink. I opened the door and water poured in.

Now let’s hear Josh’s version! Man, what a ride! The Book Queen starts off like she’s doin’ the Indy, like always, hangs a tight left onto Maple, don’t ask me why. Hey, I’m just hangin’ onto the door, thinking she should head out to the track on weekends. Make some money! Then all of a sudden…bam!…my head hits the roof, books are flying, Book Queen sounds like my grandma’s teakettle and the headlights go out, all the lights go out. I bit my lip, it’s bleeding like crazy, and I’m trying to figure out what hit us when she opens the door and all of a sudden…water! We’re sinking!

Well, it’s all a matter of description. Melinda is telling us about an awful drive to work that happened yesterday or last week. This is what I call ‘narrative first person’. We know she survived because she’s telling us about it. But her description can bring the scene to life for us. It all happened so fast! I had taken Maple Street because the city is paving Elm, and I didn’t want to make Joshua late for school. I wasn’t driving fast…I never exceed the speed limit…but it was very dark and rainy, and the lighting is terrible on that street. rain-slick asphalt seemed to swallow the light so that the whole street looked like one black lake, smooth as glass. I just don’t know how I could have missed the pothole. All of a sudden I felt a terrible jolt and I thought someone had hit us! I banged the wheel with my chest and there was a huge spray of water and for an instant, we were floating! Oh my gosh, it was just like sitting in Uncle Bert’s rowboat! Then, the car began to sink. I opened the door and water poured in like an icy wave, soaking me to the calf in about an instant.

And Josh? This is what I all direct first person. He’s talking as things are happening. We might turn a page and find a terse note from the author that Joshua died. We don’t know that he made it out alive! Man, what a ride! The Book Queen starts off like she’s doin’ the Indy, like always, hangs a tight left onto Maple, don’t ask me why. Hey, I’m just hangin’ onto the door, thinking she should head out to the track on weekends. Make some money! Then all of a sudden…bam!…my head hits the roof, books are flying, Book Queen sounds like my grandma’s teakettle and the headlights go out, all the lights go out. I bit my lip and I’m trying to figure out what hit us when she opens the door and all of a sudden…water! We’re sinking! I scramble out, and it’s like a river out there! I slosh on over to the curb and it’s all big concrete boxes, you know? With big semi rigs parked in front and no lights except those big ones you see on warehouses and stuff. It’s like a mall parking lot at 2 AM! Nobody!

Josh doesn’t notice any details until he wades away from the car. Before that he’s only interested in the ride, the speed, not the new route. After he gets out, then he notices, cold and wet, the warehouses, no lights, no houses, no help. Like a mall parking lot at 2 AM. That’s his comparison, certainly not hers!

In both cases, the POV characters noticed details that mattered to that character, NOT to the author! Although as author, you have an obligation to your readers show give them certain details, so you do have to figure out how to draw your character’s attention to them. But never will they be your details alone. The things Melinda notices, the things Josh notices…they belong to those characters. But their attention, their vivid language will help us to look through their eyes and see the real world that both Josh and Melinda actually see.

That is show, don’t tell. Essentially, it means we perceive the reality you create through your character’s eyes. And his or her voice, in first person.

If you’re not sure about which POV to choose for a story, then pick a brief scene. Write it from one POV character’s perspective. Now switch and write it from the other perspective. Now quick…which one do you like best?

Have fun! And remember…VOICE! DETAILS!