Mary Rosenblum, your web editor, has published three SF novels, four mysteries as Mary Freeman, and more than 60 short stories in multiple genres, as well as nonfiction! She also teaches writing, and has created a host of characters over the years.  

 

 

Seeing Your Character

 

By Mary Rosenblum

 

 

            Your Main Character charges out of the woods on his steed, defeats the evil knight with a few well placed blows of his sword, then dismounts to sweep the kidnapped princess into his arms.  Or your starship commander tersely orders the ship into the rip in spacetime, gambling her crew’s lives in a desperate attempt to stop the threatening war.  Great dramatic scenes, right? 

 

            So what do these characters look like?  You’d better show us, because we’re going to start visualizing that great scene and your Main Character is right there in the thick of things.  And oh, will we be upset if we find out that we’re seeing the wrong character! 

 

            No problem, right?  We’ll just describe our heroes.  Why is this an issue? 

 

            Ameryl dug his heels into his warhorse and the stallion burst from the trees, steel-shod  hooves pounding as they charged the Black King’s guardsmen.  The one holding the Princess shouted something, flinging her to the ground and drawing his sword.  The other spun, his face shifting from lust to terror as Ameryl’s sword swept up and down, slicing through the chain mail as if it was knit of wool.

            Ameryl was boy-short and too slender for a member of Elwyn Clan, his Elvish blood betrayed in the red tint of his hair and his eyes the color of spring leaves.  But in spite of his lack of bulk, he was as strong as any Elwyn warrior, faster and more agile than most.   As the guardsman sprawled beneath his stallion’s hooves, the remaining guardsman dragged the princess to her feet and held her in front of him as a human shield.  Ameryl leaped from his horse, but the guardsman had been waiting for that.  Flinging the princess aside, he swung at Ameryl and missed.

 

            So what’s wrong with this?  We see Ameryl’s red hair, short and slender build and we know he’s fast and agile.  Great!  But notice… The action stopped while I, the author, told you all about Ameryl’s looks and strength.  Then the action started up again.  Does this happen in real life? No.  So we are acutely aware that this is a story, we are reading it and we are not in that clearing, feeling the ground shake beneath that war horse’s hooves. 

 

            Let’s try it again, with no time out for my description.

 

            Ameryl dug his heels into his warhorse and the stallion burst from the trees, steel-shod hooves pounding as they charged the Black King’s guardsmen.  The one holding the Princess shouted something, flinging her to the ground and drawing his sword.  The other spun, his face shifting from lust to terror as Ameryl’s sword swept up and down, slicing through the chain mail as if it was knit of wool.

            As the guardsman sprawled beneath the stallion’s hooves, the remaining guardsman dragged the princess to her feet and held her in front of him as a human shield.  Ameryl leaped from his horse, but the guardsman had been waiting for that.  Shoving the princess aside, he swung at Ameryl, fast as a grass-tiger leaping. But he had expected a man with Elwyn height and his sword whistled over Ameryl’s head, grazing his scalp.  Ameryl ducked and leaped, slender and fast as a lizard, his bright blade stabbing like a tongue of silver flame.  The man cried out hoarsely and buckled, folding to the ground. 

            Ameryl sheathed his sword as he knelt beside the Princess, his heart pounding.  Alive?   He shoved coppery hair back from his face, touched the groove in her delicate throat, felt…a pulse.  Her eyes opened, green as his own, and she smiled.  “I knew you’d come,” she whispered.

 

              So what do we see when we look at Ameryl here?  Let’s inventory:  He’s less than Elwyn height, slender and fast, clearly he’s strong and agile.  His hair is coppery, we see it as he pushes it out of his face, so it’s also rather long, and his eyes are the same color as the Princess’s – green.  Everything I told the reader in the first example, readers can deduce for themselves in this example.   Remember that in the real world, nobody tells us he was as strong as a warrior, faster and more agile than most.  If we decide someone is strong and agile it’s because we see them exhibiting strength and agility through their actions.  The more the readers are able to figure things out for themselves, the more real your scene becomes. 

 

 

First Person Mirror Blues

 

            What about First Person? How do you describe your Main Character when he or she is telling the story?  That’s a challenge.  When was the last time you thought, Hmm, I’m a forty year old man with a weak chin, blue eyes, a good twenty pounds of belly and hairy legs.    We hardly ever assess our personal traits without a very good reason.  Why should we?  We know what we look like.  Of course the simplest way to do it is to have our First Person character look into the mirror.  But you know what? If your character doesn’t have a compelling reason to look into that mirror…the reader is going to instantly recognize your little subterfuge for what it is.  Again, you’re revealing the levers and wires backstage and we remember…oh, yeah, this is just a story…

 

            One of the best ways to show us the first person narrator is for that narrator to compare other people to himself or herself.  I looked him over as he marched into the office.  Ten years younger than me , mid-thirties, with maybe twenty pounds less beer on him,  he had the power-tie, buzzed-cut look of the upwardly mobile, and the cold, sly eyes of a small town politician out to make the next election.  Yeah, he was on the way up and we were all just rungs in the ladder to him. 

While our First Person character tells us about the new person in the office, what do we learn about him?  Well, he’s in his forties, about twenty pounds overweight, and probably not wearing that power-suit look with the buzzed haircut.  He’s not going to describe himself for us, but as he describes Mr. Power Tie, we’ll catch a glimpse of him.

 

All We Need Is A Glimpse

 

          Remember that you should never try to describe your character in minute detail.  Your image of my main character is not quite my image of my main character.  We need to be on the same page, but not necessarily seeing the exact same person.  Gender, age, race, general stature – these give us enough similarity to go on. Hair color, eye color – fill them in when and if you can.  Let each reader create his or her own personal hero or villain.   Remember…fiction is an interactive medium.  We let the readers share the creation of the universe – that’s the difference between a book and a movie.  Those prose universes belong to us, too. 

 

            So show us the main character, don’t stop the action to describe that person.  Or let your main character tell us about herself as she eyes a competitor or dresses for a party.  Let him compare that new boss to himself.  Keep your voice out of the story and we’ll forget that we’re reading, we’l begin to live the tale.