This is a another personal crisis story, told vividly.  The larger story is dark, but we’re offered a ray of hope for this family at the end of the piece.  New beginnings can really happen. Maybe this time… 

 

Insanity Is Hereditary

 

Gail Sawyer

 

            She sat on the toilet, a pounding head in her hands, wondering how it happened yet again.   She was only going to stop and have a couple, just two and then go grocery shopping.  She doesn’t know how she made it home, or what time, as was usually the case, the car just seemed to know the way she supposed.  But here she was, feeling sick, and full of guilt, shame, and remorse, and worst of all, no groceries for the week.  She can almost hear the kids complaining, “Aw mom, not “God-help-us-stew” again!”

            She really needed to get a grip.  This dropping in at “The Magnet” every night after work has got to stop.  Yet, when quitting time rolled around all she could think about was parking her butt on that bar stool and drinking a cold one.  Feeling the warmth spread through her body as the alcohol started to take effect, and being in love with everything and everyone.  If she could just stop after that first one, but she continued to chase that feeling, if one drink made her feel this good, then two, three, four would make her feel even better.  And then the cycle of insanity would start all over again and she would find herself at home, sitting on the toilet at six in the morning wondering how it happened.

            Today will be different she promised.  She always promised herself “today would be different”.  But today for some reason really felt different. 

              She found her husband in the kitchen making coffee.  He just looked at her but said nothing.  This always made her feel worse, he never yelled at her, or got jealous of her closing down the bars.  Most weekends they would often drink together.  But during the week he became “Mr. Corporate man” and kept responsible hours. 

             “I’m going up to visit Lee today.”  She told her husband.

            “Ok, tell him I said “Hi”.”  He said.

            On the hour drive up to the juvenile detention center to see Lee, her oldest son, she formulated a plan.  By the time she got through the search and check in with the guards, her headache was gone and she was excited.  She wondered what Lee would think and she wanted to share her plan with him first before putting it into action.

            Sitting across from Lee in the cafeteria that also served as a multipurpose room, she laid out her plan to her soon to be sixteen-year-old son.  She had decided to start her life over and put herself into a detox center for twenty-eight days.

             “Mom, I think that’s so great!”  He reached across the concrete table and took her hands in his.  “It’s the one thing I’ve been praying for, ever since I came in here.”  He said.  “And when I get out, we’ll not only turn over a new leaf, we’ll turn over the whole damn tree!”